years and years

Dusting the cobwebs from this blog.

Blowing fresh creativity to my fingertips.

It's been a long while. Three years in fact. Life has been a whirlwind of events that has spun me so fast that my tiny mind can't comprehend that we are close to 2020. *what the f***??* The last time I put a story out into the world was when I was nineteen. I'm now twenty two.

It's true what people say that once you fully hit adulthood. Time laughs in your face and runs as fast as it can taking all your years with it. I don't mean to sound so pessimistic but I feel like I've lived fully but also missed years.

I met up with a friend in Starbucks recently and she looked at me earnestly and told me a truth I never realised about myself before. She said "There is so much potential in you and you know you can do it all. You're just scared to because you think you're going to fail"

As my fingers dance around this keyboard typing this little anecdote, I'm realising I have done so much since this blog was last active. I've achieved so much and at this point I can envisage myself a quarter of a way up a mountain. There's still a long, long way to go but I've come along way since I posted about how scared I was about the future.

This coming week is going to consume me. I'm excited but also quite anxious. But, with my friend's words ringing in my ears I'm determined to try my best. And make this blog a place of success as well as musings of a young girl who actually has no idea what she's doing with her life.

She's just going to roll with it and see what the future years bring her...

Photo by Katthy K. Mal on Unsplash

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Dreams Of Isolation

What if you could escape?

*Originally posted on franalibi.blogspot.co.uk

Up until very recently, I've never really read a travel magazine. Not the kind where it's just about Ibiza and the best tourist places to visit with flight deals and corny bikini recommendations. But the independent ones that contain breathtaking photography and each article transports you to the place as if you were there. I picked up Suitcase blind to the wanderlust it contained because I was bored and wanted something to read that afternoon. And that's when I came across the article 'The Cold Road: Unexplored Iceland', it was everything I was looking for. Wide expansive landscapes, beautiful scenery and another step closer to nature.

I never thought I would want to add somewhere like Iceland to my wanderlust bucket list, but Maria Alafouzou (the writer) makes it sound like the most natural thing to go there and avoid all tourist places and find your own peace. Sitting by the fire, curled up on the sofa, I stared at one photo for so long that I think I would have packed my suitcase right there and then. It's natural as a person to want to escape certain events in your life or to just take a break from the repetitive cycle of living. I would want a companion with me - to share it with of course - and to embrace the isolation that such a place can bring you.

To be honest, I don't even know if the picture I've used is of Iceland, but it's stunning and it pretty much resembles everything I want to see. But the only thing that I didn't particularly like about the article, is that the undiscovered parts are now published in a magazine for everyone to see. So of course, there's now going to be more people wanting to go there. First world problems of journalism.

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My Happy Place

This post was first published on my main blog: franalibi.

There was one time in my life where I didn't have to worry about anything. All it was about was whether I got a question right in my homework, or deciding which walk to school badge I would wear in the morning for the the day ahead. My eyes are closed and I'm trying to block out the static noise of life around me. And then out of my window I hear the quick repetitive calls of seagulls and I'm suddenly on the beach. I'm sitting right by the shore and I feel content.

The sound of waves rolling in and out by my feet lulls me into an undeniable sweet calm that's miles away from the rush of city life. Looking out to sea there seems a metaphorical infinite distance between me and where I want to be in life. But for now I'm happy in a place where time seems to have stopped still with seagulls continuously swooping above my head, and treading along the beach quickly and soundlessly ready to take chips off the next unknowing victim.

I wish I could live in Brighton. Whenever I go there it takes me to a place of happiness, treasuring the sweet taste of a 99 with the 7 year old me from long ago. Oblivious to the years ahead. My dream is to move there, buy a beach hut, rent a flat and get a job in the lanes while continuing my passion for photography. I live for the salty smell of the sea, the pain of bare feet walking along the pebbled beach that makes you realise how alive and in the now you are, the scoops of ice cream in a tub with the cute flimsy plastic spoon and the adventure through the lanes with rainbow bunting.

Don't get me wrong, I love where I live and what I have, but being by the sea helps me to be content. If you want to join me, I'll be on the pier eating ice cream and looking at the sea shells at the stalls.

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Coffee In Waiting

I feel like I'm drowning in the constant fear of going nowhere. It's getting problematic and I can't just lie back and let myself float in calmness and surround myself with the feeling of peace. I should probably take up the mindfulness app again.

My friend asked me once "What are you doing now?" Everyone is at uni, or has something to occupy their time. I have nothing. I keep searching then being pushed back and I'm fed up with it. I have nothing to say except, "Well, I did have this job..." And knowing deep inside that it won't sustain me long enough to feel like I've achieved something in my life.

But it's so hard trying to move forward, like I'm playing a game of stuck in the mud with my future, and the only way I can get free is if an opportunity comes along and frees me. Friends and family are constantly trying to support me, I'm grateful, but they're too far ahead on the path, and I'm still waiting for someone on my team to free me.

I suppose you could compare it a coffee brewing. There has to be a positive to that really, because you have to be patient. You've grounded the coffee, put it in the brew and you have to wait until it's ready. That's probably my future, and I have to be patient in myself and what's to come. But in reality I'm just bored out of my head.

Can someone just free me and pour the coffee please?

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Look At The Stars, The Bright Stars

This is not a review, this is more of an observation. If scientists were to find another galaxy, it would be this. Millions of stars that reflect gold and pink and yellow planets. A hot summer's day turns into a journey into ice cold space where the thoughts and worries of those who tread through life are forbidden.

The explosion you see before you is essentially a planet dying, an explosion of mystery and colour. What the world is calling a momentous moment as you throw the planet into the ocean like a careless giant. Be warned, those who look at the bright stars are the ones who seek adventure and wanderlust. They will go forth, get more planets to relive the experience and dream of the future to come.

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What I Sent Oh Comely

A few weeks ago, I sent a mini story to oh comely for their body issue. I do hope they feature it, but I thought I'd share it with you guys so you can read it. It's about one of my passions, baking...

Being able to craft perfect plump pastry first time gives me great pride as my hands lovingly knead the mixture carefully. The skill of baking takes me by the hand as I'm led blindly into the depths of cheesecakes, cookies and lemon meringue pie -  and each comes out a success. I stand by the door proud as my family call out praises as their palettes are flooded with bold complimenting flavours.

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London, An Old Friend

 I feel giddy with excitement as I bounce along on my soles across the pavement. I can certainly blame the ice cold blend of caffeine and milk for that. It’s just me and a close friend exploring the city that we grew up in. Weaving our way through the mazes of side streets to get to the iconic places that tourists use to idolise an exciting life in a British city. I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of London but sometimes it’s nice to take a break.

You can easily state that it feels like taking a break from an old friend. You’ve spent too much time together and it’s a retreat to calm when you spend time on your own for a while. You still care about each other and look forward to the days you spend together, but the excitement of sharing memories tires you out.

I could easily write a novel on the amount of moments that are imprinted on my mind when something has happened to me and a friend in Central. Like when I keep stopping runners in their paths, random pirates scaring us, running at the speed of lightning away from oncoming vans. You just had to be there.

Every time I go back to London, it’s like a warm familiar hug. I easily know where I’m going and through that I start to feel safe in my own city. As an 18 year old, I’m only beginning to grasp the idea of full expeditions across the city and as I grow older, I think I will always remember what started all this. The thirst for knowledge in a city the world holds its grasp on with keen wide eyes like saucers.

The photography trips started it all. Year 12 gave way to new freedom and it bowed to give me permission to use my creativity to show the unseen parts of the city. Not only is London close to me, it also help me grow close to the few friends who I consider trustworthy and will hopefully be known to me for life.

London, wherever I end up in life, Brighton or LA, you will always have a place in my thoughts and heart.

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